Post by sweetpea on Jun 25, 2011 22:12:44 GMT
I've just had a letter back from Screwfix.
They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!!
At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker.
Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
What’s the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One’s a superhero and the other is an instruction.
An old lady is being examined by the Doctor. He asks have you ever been bedridden?
She says, “Yes I have and I've been table ended and backskuttled a few times too!”
A wife says to her husband you’re always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says, “What do you expect? You’re in a wheel chair.”
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said, “I would like to come back as a cow.” I said, “You’re obviously not listening.”
Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called a wedding cake.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I went to the charity shop to get her clothes back.
Hi mate. I don't want you to panic but I’m texting you from the casualty. Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it was.
They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!!
At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker.
Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
What’s the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One’s a superhero and the other is an instruction.
An old lady is being examined by the Doctor. He asks have you ever been bedridden?
She says, “Yes I have and I've been table ended and backskuttled a few times too!”
A wife says to her husband you’re always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says, “What do you expect? You’re in a wheel chair.”
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said, “I would like to come back as a cow.” I said, “You’re obviously not listening.”
Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called a wedding cake.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I went to the charity shop to get her clothes back.
Hi mate. I don't want you to panic but I’m texting you from the casualty. Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it was.
