Post by sweetpea on Feb 29, 2012 12:05:34 GMT
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech, in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. e.g. "Where there's a will, I want to be in it."
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive again.
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it makes misery easier to live with.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Firemen usually use water.
31. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
32. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
33. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
34. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
35. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
36. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?
37. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
38. Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
39. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
40. Procrastination is something best put off until tomorrow.
41. I probably would procrastinate, but I keep putting it off.
42. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
43. If you are going through hell, keep going.
44. The early bird might get the worm, but it’s the second mouse that gets the cheese.
45. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
46. You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
47. Don't argue with an idiot. From a distance it's difficult to tell you apart.
48. Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
49. Insanity is contagious, you get it from your children.
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive again.
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it makes misery easier to live with.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Firemen usually use water.
31. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
32. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
33. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
34. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
35. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
36. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?
37. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
38. Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
39. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
40. Procrastination is something best put off until tomorrow.
41. I probably would procrastinate, but I keep putting it off.
42. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
43. If you are going through hell, keep going.
44. The early bird might get the worm, but it’s the second mouse that gets the cheese.
45. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
46. You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
47. Don't argue with an idiot. From a distance it's difficult to tell you apart.
48. Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
49. Insanity is contagious, you get it from your children.
