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Post by caretaker on Feb 21, 2014 23:06:04 GMT
After being marred for 40 years my wife and I decided to have our wedding vowels renewed, 40 years ago we had no money so got wed in a register office and a drink in the pub next door, no cake, no dress and no photos. So this time we booked a church our two girls was brides maids and I rented a white suet and my wife had a full length wedding dress, we invited over 200 guest not all to the church but at the reception, we had fancy dress 60 stile. Now the tricky bit, as I only have my sister on my side of our family I sent her a proper invite to the church etc. She did not turn up at the church, at the evening reception she arrived all dressed up so when we was alone at the bar I asked why did you not come to the church? Her reply was "I don't believe in you renewing your vows" I did not wont to push her any more as every one was enjoying them selves, I sent her an email asking her if she would explain her comment but no reply. My wife got very upset with me as I said I would not bother with her but talked me in to emailing her, I did this about 6 times but no reply, plus phoned her once, on the phone call I could tell she did not wont to talk to me. On all my emails I have not mentioned the wedding renewal or on the phone call only updated her on our family and asked how she is. Well it has been a year now that I have not heard from her, but this week my wife said I should try again. This is what I said I will do, I will email her every month for one year if no reply that's it. She did not even visit me in hospital after I nearly died last year,(heart slowed down), when my daughter phoned her she just said oh well not to worry. Sorry to bore you all with this but it is bugging me and I am getting very up set. I do worry about her as she lives alone and has no friends that I know of, my brother in law lives in the same road and keeps an eye on her. Thanks for listening, Reg |
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Post by Geranium on Feb 22, 2014 6:32:29 GMT
It's a tricky one - I can imagine how upsetting it is. Why not try a letter this time? Tell her you miss her. You don't have to mention the ceremony, if that is contentious. Another thought - does she get on with your brother-in-law? Could he tell her you'd like to see her and try to build bridges?
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Post by ladybird on Feb 22, 2014 12:33:58 GMT
It's a tricky one - I can imagine how upsetting it is. Why not try a letter this time? Tell her you miss her. You don't have to mention the ceremony, if that is contentious. Another thought - does she get on with your brother-in-law? Could he tell her you'd like to see her and try to build bridges? Reg what a lovely idea to renew your wedding vows , as long as you both believe thats the main thing . We can`t force other people to approve of what we do, a lot of people don`t believe in Church these days, but at least your sister did come to the reception , focus on that , though I understand your hurt . You obviosly care about your sister and want to keep in contact. I think geraniums idea of a letter is a good idea if you can`t contact her any other way, I wonder if she has her own troubles, or hurts, you could just ask her if she is ok and that you care and are there for her. I know that probably dosn`t do much to address your hurt but it seems to me that the main thing here is to regain cantact with her. |
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Post by daitheplant on Feb 22, 2014 20:06:33 GMT
Reg, as long as you and your wife were happy renewing your vows, that is what counts. Your sister has her opinion about it, and she is entitled to that opinion. She actually compromised by coming to the reception, so you should thank her for that. I wouldn`t send her emails, letters or make phone calls. I would swallow my pride and go and knock on her door and clear the air face to face. Neither of you is wrong, but sort it before it gets out of hand. You will always regret it otherwise.
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Post by SueA on Feb 22, 2014 20:35:28 GMT
It's really sad Reg that this seems to have caused a rift between you & upset you so much, did you have regular contact before this happened? I think maybe ladybird is right & that your sister has some issues herself which she copes with by not talking to people about them & possibly keeps her distance because of this. As there are only the two of you left maybe she struggles with loss & is afraid of getting too close to you & losing you too as you were so seriously ill & so tried to make light of it. My husband's aunt cut off contact with most of the remaining family after her husband's death as she couldn't bear to talk about him or be reminded of him, it took years before she spoke to anyone in the family properly again. Perhaps just writing a letter & saying you'd like to keep in touch at her pace if only by writing would be the way forward. Hope everything works out for you both. |
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