Post by sweetpea on Nov 30, 2015 18:54:58 GMT
Soon after O'Shaugnessy clocked in for work, the foreman called him over and told him that he had a phone call in the front office.
When O'Shaugnessy returned, he had a mournful expression on his face and his head hung low. His foreman noticed and asked if it was bad news. 'To be shure it was, Boss', he replied, 'I just found out that my mother died earlier this morning.'
'Gosh, that's awful, 'replied the foreman, 'Do you want the rest of the day off?'
'No', replied O'Shaugnessy. 'I'll finish the day out.'
About an hour later, the foreman returned to inform him that there was another phone call for him in the office. This time when O'Shaugnessy returned he looked twice as glum, and the foreman asked if everything was alright.
'Bejeezuz Boss, its even worse news. That was my brother, and his mother died today too!
On the bus Paddy got chatting to Murphy who was carrying a bag on his back
'What's in the bag?' asked Paddy
'I'm not going to tell', replied Murphy
'Go on, do.' pleaded Paddy.
'Ah, all right then, it's ducks.' announced Murphy
'If I guess how many ducks you have in the bag, will you give me one of them?' enquired Paddy
'Look', said Murphy, 'If you guess the correct number, I'll give you both of them.'
'Five!' said Paddy triumphantly..
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.
'Come have a look over here,' says Paddy, 'It's Michael O' Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87.'
'That's nothing, 'says Sean, 'here's one named Patrick O' Toole, it says here that he was 95 when he died.'
Just then, Seamus yells out, 'Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!'
'What was his name?' asks Paddy.
Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker and exclaims: 'Miles, from Dublin.'
Murphy applied for a fermentation operator post at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test by the Manager. When the results were in, amazingly, both men had only one wrong answer.
The manager went to Murphy and said, 'Thank you for coming to the interview, but We've decided to give the American the job.'
Murphy, 'And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job.'
Manager, 'We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed.'
Murphy, 'And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?'
Manager, 'Simple. On question number 7 the American wrote down, 'I don't know.'
You put down, 'Neither do I.'
Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.
On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Paddy's 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat ....and nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother .. "Grandma," he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like me father, his father and his father before him?"
Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled blue eyes and said, "Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya bloomin’ idiot!"
When O'Shaugnessy returned, he had a mournful expression on his face and his head hung low. His foreman noticed and asked if it was bad news. 'To be shure it was, Boss', he replied, 'I just found out that my mother died earlier this morning.'
'Gosh, that's awful, 'replied the foreman, 'Do you want the rest of the day off?'
'No', replied O'Shaugnessy. 'I'll finish the day out.'
About an hour later, the foreman returned to inform him that there was another phone call for him in the office. This time when O'Shaugnessy returned he looked twice as glum, and the foreman asked if everything was alright.
'Bejeezuz Boss, its even worse news. That was my brother, and his mother died today too!
On the bus Paddy got chatting to Murphy who was carrying a bag on his back
'What's in the bag?' asked Paddy
'I'm not going to tell', replied Murphy
'Go on, do.' pleaded Paddy.
'Ah, all right then, it's ducks.' announced Murphy
'If I guess how many ducks you have in the bag, will you give me one of them?' enquired Paddy
'Look', said Murphy, 'If you guess the correct number, I'll give you both of them.'
'Five!' said Paddy triumphantly..
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.
'Come have a look over here,' says Paddy, 'It's Michael O' Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87.'
'That's nothing, 'says Sean, 'here's one named Patrick O' Toole, it says here that he was 95 when he died.'
Just then, Seamus yells out, 'Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!'
'What was his name?' asks Paddy.
Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker and exclaims: 'Miles, from Dublin.'
Murphy applied for a fermentation operator post at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test by the Manager. When the results were in, amazingly, both men had only one wrong answer.
The manager went to Murphy and said, 'Thank you for coming to the interview, but We've decided to give the American the job.'
Murphy, 'And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job.'
Manager, 'We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed.'
Murphy, 'And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?'
Manager, 'Simple. On question number 7 the American wrote down, 'I don't know.'
You put down, 'Neither do I.'
Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.
On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Paddy's 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat ....and nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother .. "Grandma," he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like me father, his father and his father before him?"
Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled blue eyes and said, "Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya bloomin’ idiot!"
