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Post by roofgardener on Feb 26, 2016 19:59:07 GMT
How to wash a cat.
1.Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2.Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3.In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid.
You may need to stand on the lid.
4.At this point the cat will self agitate and make ample suds.Never mind the noises that come
from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this!
5.Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “Power-Wash & Rinse”
6.Have someone open the front door of your home.Be sure that there are no people between the
bathroom and the front door.
7.Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can,and quickly lift the lid.
8.The cat will rocket out of the toilet,streak through the bathroom, and run outside where
he will dry himself off.
9.Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Yours sincerely
The dog.
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Post by dianthus on Feb 26, 2016 20:12:08 GMT
I don't believe it!!!! 
I'm sending Cats' Protection round to the Roof Garden!
When I saw the new thread, I thought you'd created a photo of our Cat under your plant shower  |
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Post by daitheplant on Feb 26, 2016 20:49:33 GMT
Sorry Roofus but that is not funny.
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Post by Cherry on Feb 27, 2016 4:48:38 GMT
I think it is funny and have read this before.  |
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Post by SueA on Feb 27, 2016 8:37:54 GMT
I've seen it before too, it's a bit like the one about 'how to give a cat a pill' which makes me cry laughing every time I read it.
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Post by peony on Feb 27, 2016 13:56:33 GMT
Very funny |
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Post by roofgardener on Feb 27, 2016 15:38:10 GMT
daitheplant, the humour lies entirely in the last sentence. "Yours Sincerely, the Dog" Clearly, the "Dog" in the parable has created a sadistic procedure designed to frighten and humiliate the cat, reinforcing the anthropomorphic folklore tradition of antipathy between Canines and Felines. The tension is built as we read the story, thinking that this is a cruel and innapropriate way to wash a cat, with the denoument at the end revealing that the whole thing is an attempt at deception by the dog, played upon its (and the cats) presumed owners, with a view to exemplifying the aforementioned 'tradition'.
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Post by Lou78W on Feb 27, 2016 19:17:47 GMT
:DRoofy......you are a hoot !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  |
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Post by daitheplant on Feb 27, 2016 20:53:42 GMT
I concede defeat.   |
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Post by roofgardener on Feb 28, 2016 8:35:13 GMT
Defeat is not enough daitheplant. I demand delegs and dearms as well !  SueA mentioned the 'giving a cat a pill' story, which I must admit I had not come across before, but have subsequently googled it. It is funny because it is true ! Here it is.... --------------------------- - Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
- Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
- Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
- Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
- Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
- Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
- Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
- Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil, and blow down drinking straw.
- Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
- Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
- Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
- Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
- Tie the little @!!@#@#$%'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
- Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
- Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How to give a dog a pill: - Wrap it in cheese.
This was taken from the website of the National Centre for Biotechnology Information, an official government publication, believe it or not ! |
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Post by grindle on Feb 28, 2016 17:32:24 GMT
I'll agree with the dog and cheese |
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Post by sweetpea on Feb 29, 2016 18:03:32 GMT
I've seen it before too, it's a bit like the one about 'how to give a cat a pill' which makes me cry laughing every time I read it. Took that one to our local vet. they loved it. |
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